Bumper stickers sure are getting out of control.
I got to thinking about them during a recent visit to Washington, D.C. While driving along the passing lane on the George Washington Parkway, I was slowed by a car in front of me.
It was a 1989 Subaru station wagon with faded paint. The driver was going well below the speed limit. He was oblivious to the law (slow cars right lane, fast cars left lane) and oblivious to the cars stacking up behind him.
It was then I noticed his bumper sticker: "Kerry/Edwards 2004."
I've been seeing a number of cars still sporting Kerry/Edwards stickers. So I read with great interest a recent piece in the Washington Post. A fair number of people are keeping their 2004 election bumper stickers in place as a form of protest.
Kerry folks are angry that Bush won the election and their 2004 stickers voice their sentiment loud and clear. Some folks are still sporting Bush bumper stickers, too, to voice the opposite sentiment.
And already we're beginning to see stickers related to the 2008 election. The Irregular Times Web site is promoting a host of new bumper stickers to "incite a little subversion among friends and family." Some recommendations:
"Barbara Boxer: President 2008."
"Nancy Pelosi for President 2008."
"Dean for '08 America."
Such Irregular Times' slogans are mild compared to the vitriol common to this month's best-selling bumper stickers:
"No one died when Clinton lied."
"Somewhere in Texas, a village idiot is missing."
"Bush played guitar, now New Orleans drowned."
I don't mean to suggest that provocative bumper stickers are solely the province of the left. I contacted CafePress.com, a company that allows groups and individuals to create and sell their own bumper stickers. They said that right-leaning groups, such as RightWingStuff.com, are producing an equal number of provocative stickers:
"Liberalism: the haunting fear that someone somewhere can help himself."
"My child doesn't get self-esteem from a bumper sticker."
"Animals: it's what's for dinner."
It's no secret that there is stark political division in America these days. It's no secret that the political dialogue has gotten nasty and even, at times, irrational. So it makes sense that our divisiveness and anger would make its way to the back of our cars.
Since the first bumper sticker was created by a silk screener in Kansas City in 1931, Americans have been using them to voice a variety of opinions.
During the Vietnam era, bumper stickers were equally as loud and divisive as they are today. One popular slogan was "One, two, three, four! We don't want your (expletive) war!"
And I remember, as a youth, how heated things got when low-cost imports became more popular in America and the steel mills began shutting down. One bumper sticker summed up the sentiment well: "Hungry? Eat Your Datsun."
I have to admit, I prefer more mild and humorous bumper stickers, the kind that suggest we're having fun and getting along:
"Commit random acts of kindness and senseless beauty."
"Boyfriend wanted. Training provided."
"Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot either!"
"24 beers in a case, 24 hours in a day. Coincidence?"
"My wife ran off with my best friend. I sure do miss him."
I fear it may be a while before we return to a period of such levity. It's hard to be cheerful when a war is going on, and there are sharp divisions over hundreds of other important issues about the future of this great country.
The best I can hope for is that one day in 2009, I'll be roaring along the passing lane on the George Washington Parkway. I'll be slowed by an old hybrid vehicle with faded paint. The driver, lost in his own reality, will be oblivious to the cars stacking up behind him.
His bumper sticker will read: "Hillary Clinton 2008."
Tom Purcell, a free-lance writer, lives in Mt. Lebanon. E-mail him at TomPurcell@aol.com. You can also visit him on the Web at www.TomPurcell.com