The Wedding Party -- by Tracey Landmann
aren Rawlings sat down on the vanity bench and drew a brush through her hair. She puckered her lips and scrunched her brows. Why was Dani asking her to be in the wedding party at all, and the most prominent member to boot? If anyone was familiar with her mindset, Danielle Gillespie was that person. It wasn’t exactly that she had any ill will towards Dani herself, but…she turned to study the ensemble hanging from the closet door that she was to wear on the day of the wedding. Dani had chosen blue silk suits as the uniforms for her bridal party. Unlike most bridesmaids’ dresses, the outfits weren’t garishly expensive or hideously ugly. Dani was one of the good brides who did not believe that the way to command the audience’s attention was to render everyone else unviewable. No, Dani certainly was not a source of complaint. The problem Karen had with the idea of this glorious event was the whole affair itself. She was flat out disgusted with the idea of ‘The Wedding.’ She believed commercialism had obscured the true meaning of marriage. Magazine after bridal shop after romantic movie promised that The Wedding is something magical: the best day of your life. To Karen Rawlings, the marital mystique that these venues promote was totally fictitious. Danielle Gillespie and her proud family were throwing a breathtaking sum of money and several months of high stress into a fairytale extravaganza, a fabulous show that is a prelude to a new life of limitations and general angst. Karen settled her shining, chemically altered tresses behind her shoulders and complimented herself on her sculpted, shapely figure. She wouldn’t be nearly as alluring if she had to dedicate her free time to a husband and children rather than the gym and herself. Nor would she have the money or time to shop for decent makeup and clothes-no, her husband’s salary would have to make do for both of them and a new baby, the mortgage on a vinyl-sided split-level complete with two-toned shag carpeting, groceries, the stamps she would need for mail-in rebate offers, ever-enlarging plus sizes, and endless visits to the pediatrician. There would also be the expenses of toys, baby sitters, a minivan… and even if you absolutely HAD to get married, all of these bills could be a lot more bearable if eased with the money it takes to mount a traditional wedding. That wasn’t the only point of irrationality, though. During the decade after those church bells rang a wife’s once youthful, firm body would begin to sag and then her face would wrinkle a little bit and she wouldn’t have the energy or desire to dress nicely or to do anything other than what was necessary for her family’s survival. The husband would become disenchanted with his wife’s loss of spirit, youthful glow and independence and would leave in search of greener pastures, never noticing that his drooping belly and shaggy eyebrows were coming along for the ride. Why are people so willing to sacrifice their money, youth and vitality for this life? Was this what was in store for her friend? Karen felt a moment of sadness as she thought of the soon- to-be-fading commonality between them. No more clubbing, drinking or late-night movies. She ought to wear black to this ceremony. There would be nothing to recognize here but loss. Jennifer Gillespie didn’t share Karen’s opinion of marriage. Her relationship with Danielle had never been close, and she was certain that her cousin had asked her to be in the wedding party out of sheer family obligation. Jen also surveyed her bridesmaid’s outfit with a critical eye. Would it flatter her curves? Would the navy silk set off her delicate complexion? These things were doubtful. Why did she want to have such a frou-frou ceremony anyway? It would take Danielle a couple of hours to spend as much money as the average person would earn in a year. What a waste. Jen could almost here her Mom telling her not to be so petty. Sarah Kelly couldn’t find her suit. It was here somewhere; the bridesmaids had all been fitted at the alterations lady’s house, she had picked up her nipped and-tucked frock yesterday, she had put it in her car and driven home. Had she left it there? Wait! Here it is! Sarah reflected for a moment how you could never find things that were in their correct places then reached for the white plastic shroud that ensconced her skirt and jacket. It was nestled between her senior prom gown and her sister’s graduation robe. She nodded approvingly as she lifted the cover from its fragile contents. Danielle had picked out pretty nice costumes for her crew. Sarah laid the bag on her bed and mentally wrote a list of places she could re-wear this number. Perhaps she could use it as her own wedding dress someday. OK, maybe that wasn’t an option. As easygoing as Sarah was, she had a keen sense of how she wanted to live her life. The huge heap of responsibilities that fall on you after you say ‘I do’ was not her idea of fun, and her carefree state as a single was pretty blissful compared to that. So where else could she show off the fetching number? The phone jangled insistently while she contemplated the possibilities. Marie Costas heard the phone ring three times before Sarah picked up on the other end. “Hello?” Marie immediately launched into a soliloquy without any breaks, even time for her to breathe. Sarah waited until she finished before asking her to repeat her words, slowly this time. Marie took a deep breath then expelled it. “Plans, Sarah, plans. What are we going to do for Dani’s bachelorette party? I know that if Karen is left to work it out on her own, we’re going to end up going to a strip bar and getting colossal hangovers. Karen’s going to want to get friendly with the strippers, but I don’t believe in conducting mini-relationships, besides the fact that my husband WOULD NOT approve. Wasn’t that nice? I said ‘mini-relationships.’ I could’ve called her a low-class slut, but I termed it differently. I‘m surprised she hasn’t contracted…oh well, forget it. This is no time to criticize Dani’s character judgment. Let’s just agree to all get together and work on this shindig like sane, cooperative people who are intent on Dani’s happiness rather than Karen’s acrobatic abilities, if you know what I mean. OK? What do you think? And could you call Karen and suggest this? I know she thinks I’m an evil witch and she won’t agree to anything I say. Would you do it?” Sarah listened to the entire tirade thoughtfully, considered how she should word her response and then replied “Sure”. “Thanks. Gotta go. You know how things build up when you’re a slave to your husband and children. Bye!” She hung up the phone with a frenzied click and checked her watch in the same motion. Twenty minutes before she had to pick up Emily at ballet and thirty between that and soccer practice. Maybe she and Em could stop at the drug store on the way to the soccer field. You could never buy too many Band-Aids or cotton balls. Marie didn’t hate her life; she was too busy to do so. She was so busy she didn’t have to try not to think about the hopes and dreams of her youth because she didn’t have the necessary moments the brooding would require. She washed her hair when it was dirty and took daily showers. There were at least two meals on the table per day and her coupon file was so organized that it would make any other housewife cry. Her closet was just as neat. The blue silk hanging in the back was the only bit of decoration in it, but you couldn’t call the closet’s contents plain in a messy way. Marie had grown up two doors down from the Gillespie’s’ house. She and Dani had been inseparable from the time they were seven years old until high school graduation. Colleges that were hundreds of miles apart had limited the capabilities of their relationship, but they were still ‘Dani and Marie,’ a title that had earned them much teasing from schoolmates and siblings in the late seventies. Then had come Marie’s relationship with and marriage to Alan Costas. Marriage vows had separated the girls more surely than any amount of miles could have. Suddenly, Marie was staying home with babies while Dani was earning promotions and awards. Marie had missed her friend. She was ecstatic when she received the news of Dani’s wedding and even happier when the bride had asked her to be one of her bridesmaids. Sure, Dani had appointed her college roommate Karen Rawlings maid of honor, but Marie didn’t mind it if Dani found Karen to be a closer friend right now. After all, the feeling wouldn’t last. Once Dani had a mortgage and a big belly, she and her gutterslut friend would have nothing to talk about. And then it would be Dani and Marie all over again. Sarah pursed her lips thoughtfully as Marie Costas left the phone line and Sarah’s mental focus. She looked out her bedroom window at the deepening twilight. The sky was drifting into the color of her bridesmaid’s gown and would soon descend onto the blackness of the empty alley below. Drift….drift…. Sarah picked up the receiver once more and dialed the number assigned to Karen Rawlings. The phone rang four times before Sarah heard the familiar click of an answering machine. Karen’s voice greeted her ear in a musical, rehearsed cadence. “ Hay! I’m not here, but I will be. Call ya back then!” Sarah readied herself to speak while she waited for the beep. “Hey Karen, this is Sarah. Let’s us bridesmaids get together sometime soon and talk about Dani’s bachelorette party. Maybe we”- another click sounded over the line as Karen picked up the phone. “Hi Sarah-I was screening. I hate telephone solicitors. If I want to buy something, I’ll either buy it on the Internet or go to the store. So, anyway, can I do something for you? Sarah tilted her head to the left as she let go her sales pitch. “So Karen, what do you say you and I get together with Marie and Jen to plan the bachelorette thing? I think it would be easier if we all did it-you know-less stress on you…”Karen’s light, slightly edgy laugh interrupted her. “Thank you and especially thanks to Marie. I know she convinced you to call me. I wasn’t planning on scandalizing Mrs. Costas by doing anything even PG-13, much less rated R. Sure-how about next Friday night? Do you think Marie can abandon her family for a couple hours? Or will they die without her?” Sarah shrugged in a way that carried over the telephone wire. “I’m just the messenger. I’ll call her-you call Jen. We can meet at my apartment.” The women made their respective calls. Jen was cooperative enough and Marie thought Friday would be OK-but could they possibly meet at her house? She had to pick Eric up at six and take him to Matt’s sleepover by eight…Sarah wondered if Marie’s husband ever did anything at all for his wife and kids and then decided that it was none of her business. She depressed the button and dialed Karen’s number once she heard the dial tone. By the time it was completely dark, several phone calls had been placed. The women agreed to meet at Sarah’s apartment on Sunday afternoon. Karen called Sarah one last time and the plan was sealed. She rolled her eyes as she replaced the receiver in its cradle, only to stop their orbit in mid-roll and squeeze them tightly shut as the phone sounded beneath her hand once more. She inhaled and exhaled slowly then lifted the receiver to her weary ear. “Yes?” she asked with exaggerated patience, expecting to hear Sarah’s breezy tone. The voice that greeted her was instead as low and as reassuring as warm chocolate pudding. Karen searched madly through the files in her mind but did not recognize it. Maybe he was a stalker. She shook her head to dislodge this unpleasant thought and asked, “Can I help you?” in her most professional tone. “This is Dave Winter-I’m Joe Amory’s best man. “ Karen thought: And why are you calling me, Mr. Radio Voice? He made his reason clear immediately. Apparently the groomsmen were not very interested in the traditional bachelor’s party-for various reasons (Karen figured they were all married or gay and it would be her luck if this living 900 number was both) and were wondering if a bachelorette party had been planned yet. “Why, are you going to crash it?” Karen demanded in a laughing voice that had just a thread of hope running through it. “Well, yes, I suppose you could say I was asking if we could do that.” There was no flirtatiousness or flippancy in his reply, only a sincere kind of politeness. Geez, it was worse than she had thought. He must be a real treasure…not. Karen thrust this thought from her mind and told Dave that she believed this to be a fine idea; she would bring it up to the other attendants immediately. He thanked her, bid her farewell and closed the connection. She sighed, punched Sarah’s number for what seemed like the hundredth time in an hour and waited for her to pick up. After another eternity of calls, both groups of attendants decided that they would meet at a neutral location. They chose a local restaurant in which to discuss plans at dinner. The night of the meeting arrived sooner than anyone expected it would. The air had a resigned feel unique to Sunday evenings. The pleasantly alert wedding participants were as anxious for this gathering to end, as they were to postpone the arrival of Monday. They all could imagine a better way to spend a Sunday night. Everyone drove into the restaurant parking lot with only a few minutes separation-everyone except Marie Costas and a groomsman named Bud walked in Simon’s Bar and Grill together. There were three females to match the number of males. Marie pulled up in a maroon station wagon just as the group entered the bar and Bud appeared while they waited for a table to be readied. Eight pairs of eyes covertly studied every other wedding party member. A waitress led them to a long table as far from the suspended television as possible. Two of the men glanced longingly at the dimly lit bar area as they sat down. Marie and Jen looked at their placemats while Dan, Bud and Jim engaged in a heated conversation about a misbehaving senator. Karen glanced at Dave Winter in an affable way that gave no indication she was taking stock of him. There were no rings on any of his fingers and he wore a rugby shirt that was clean but not exquisite or overly bright. She looked down and dismissed these thoughts in lieu of the menu offerings and the business at hand. A brief silence fell over the table as everyone studied the entrée list and chose their dishes. Three women chose pasta, Marie wanted a rare steak (her kids must have done something wrong said Sarah by means of a wink and smile to Jen) and the men decided to share two huge platters of ribs and fried chicken. They all placed their orders and waited for the ‘assorted appetizer’ tray that had been chosen at the last minute. Dave began the conversation. His subdued, powerful voice matched his obviously exercised physique. His dark wavy hair just met the eyebrows that rose in inquiry when he asked his question. “So does anyone have suggestions for this?” Another silence enshrouded the group as each waited for another to speak up. Karen again looked at Dave. He was the figurative as well as literal leader of the pack. She feigned a cough as she grabbed a napkin to mask the giggle that this thought brought on. Vroom Vroom!! She could imagine the groom’s party arriving at the wedding in their proper black tuxedos stretched over bulging biceps and pecs as they gunned their Harley engines. It wasn’t an unattractive visual. Her inner eye focused on the cycle-straddling Dave. She had not found out that much about him from Dani. She knew that many believed Karen Rawlings to be the Slut of the Century and so she had kept her questions few and casual. Re-branding was the last thing she needed. She had learned that Dave had been Joe’s roommate in their junior and senior years of college and that Danielle had met Joe through Dave’s sister. Karen was annoyed that her so-called best friend had not introduced the two; she had probably been aware that Karen would have appreciated an encounter (if not more) with such an individual, but maybe Dave had had that quintessential college girlfriend at the time. Hey, maybe he still had her–he had only graduated two years before she and Dani had, after all. Karen moved her attention away from Dave’s limited biography back to the assembled crowd. The other seven still waited for someone else to speak. Karen’s voice caught Marie Costas like a fishhook. Marie’s displeasure was visible but dissolved as a plate of deep fried yummies was set almost directly in front of her. She stared yearningly at the assortment as Karen, also impressed by the steaming variety a few feet down the table, continued. “I’m not sure exactly how to handle this. I think Dave was really creative in suggesting that we have the couple’s ‘goodbye to single life’ parties together-kind of like a preview to marriage. A mini pre-reception. Except without catering and all that tension. Let’s do it!” She smiled in satisfaction as if she had just made a magnificent contribution to the goal of the evening. No one else thought she had. Sarah and Dan piped up at the same time. “Let’s go bowling!” They looked at each other in delighted surprise as the others stared at them in horror. Marie objected immediately. “I would really like a break from family night, thank you.” She giggled as she said this, but Karen knew she really meant it and so grinned as widely as would a ‘50’s tomboy. “I think that’s a great idea!” she squealed as she clapped her hands. Dave, his eyebrows raised, looked her way and then agreed. Had that been amusement or remonstrance in his glance? She wasn’t certain. The bowling idea had already gained a higher approval rating. Bud nodded and Jen sort of shrugged. Marie tightened her lips but kept them firmly clamped shut. She closed her eyes, took a breath and relaxed her shoulders. “OK-I guess it will be different without two fighting kids. She smiled and gave a lighthearted chuckle that accompanied the ‘I’ll get you later’ look she sent Karen’s way. She reached for a mozzarella stick. By the time everyone had finished chatting amicably and munching on golden brown goodies, the main courses had arrived. The gentlemen dove into the ribs with fingers, napkins and approving grunts while the ladies cut and twirled with glee. Simon and his associated chefs certainly knew their craft. The food was better than any of them had tasted in a long time. Karen spiraled her pasta expertly and smiled at Sarah, who was making faces at the growing baseball of noodles on her fork. Marie separated her steak into bite-sized pieces and picked up the first square with an expression of tranquil bliss. Jen did not twirl her spaghetti; she instead sliced it until it was more manageable. “Maybe we should find out if Joe and Danielle would like to do the bowling thing. It is, after all, a party for them.” This came from the previously silent and currently plump-cheeked Jim. He was so into the ribs that he couldn’t bear a moment without them, not even to talk. Marie smiled at him indulgently. Not only was she comfortable with people who spoke full-mouthed, but thanks to him she stood a new chance of not having to bowl. There was a rustling sound at the other end of the table as Karen plunged her hand into her bag, fishing madly for her cell phone-hoping to find it before any other voices could echo this shred of doubt. “ Well, let me call Dani right now” she said brightly as her hand finally made contact with the sought after object. “I’m going to go to the ladies-room for this-less noise.” She pushed her chair back, clutching her phone defiantly as she rose. She glanced in Marie’s direction before she hurried toward the back of the restaurant. Marie was looking in the other direction. Karen swung the restroom door open and was happy to find both stalls inside empty. She punched out the correct phone number and waited for a ring. The telephone sat quiet, waiting for the wireless service to transmit the appropriate signals. When the service finally connected, she had a sense that the bell’s peal was resounding through an empty apartment. What if Dani wasn’t home? She was, though-she picked up at the end of the first ring. Karen smiled in relief. “Hello?” Dani sounded businesslike, even a little cold. “Hey Dani, it’s Karen. All of your bridesmaids and Joe’s guys are here at Simon’s. We thought that we might have your bachelor and bachelorette parties together; you know, to mark the beginning of your life together. Except it won’t be formal and stressful like the reception.” She paused to give Dani a chance to reply, but the to-be-bride didn’t say anything. Karen went on, choosing her words carefully. “We were all at a loss for what to do, and then Sarah Kelly and Dan Thomas came up with an idea at the same time. They suggested bowling.” [totally neutral voice] 𠇊s we’re not sure how you feel about that, we decided to ask you if you two would enjoy it.” Dani took a while to respond and then replied that it might just be fun. “Well, that’s great…Are you sure that Joe is OK with the idea?” “He’s sitting right here with me. You’re on speakerphone” Joe’s voice cut in. “It sounds great to me, Karen.” His own voice was indicative of his general relaxation and happiness. After bidding the pair a pleasant farewell, she clicked off the line. She grinned in satisfaction and went through the door towards the table. The rest of the party watched her as she approached the table. Karen announced to the assembly that the plan had succeeded; bowling was an approved event. The men and women nodded and said ‘oh how nice’ types of things. Marie was silent. The group proceeded to finish the food on their plates, but with a little less gusto. When the meal was over and coffees and desserts had been consumed to everyone’s satisfaction, the wedding party moved on to the next stage. When and where would this glorious event take place? Everyone wanted to hold the party during the week preceding the actual nuptials but since the guests were spread across town, there was some confusion as to the closest and best bowling alley in which to have it. Eventually, it was agreed that the old Lincoln Lanes on Semaphore Road would do nicely-it was closest to the couple and not too far from any of the attendants. The party would take place on a Wednesday night in August just a few days before the actual ceremony and following reception. Dave volunteered to set up alley rental and was informed by Marie that food could be delivered there; they did not have to dine on items from the snack bar. She had a feeling that the party guests would not consider the regular bowling alley fare to be appropriate. Karen was to make the catering arrangements; La Cucina Italiana was everyone’s catering establishment of choice. There was a nearly audible collective sigh of relief as the eight divided the recently arrived check. That had been easy. The plans were as good as made and not only that, six members of the group now had the chance to get away from a potential catfight between Karen and Marie. The assembly all rose from the table at the same time. Marie and Dan gathered their windbreakers from the backs of their chairs and the women reached under the table to retrieve their handbags. They filed out the door, chatting and laughing as they went. Karen walked silently behind Dave and Bud, who were telling each other about amusing incidents from their boyhood involving Lincoln Lanes or Italian food, sometimes both. They were laughing over the time Bud had encountered a spider in his rented bowling shoe and had shrieked like a banshee about it. Dave opened the massive brown fire door of the restaurant. A chilly March breeze greeted them. Drowsy crocuses peered from the barrels flanking Simon’s entrance. Karen pulled her sweater more snugly around her shoulders while Bud gave an exaggerated shiver. “Brrrrr! Isn’t winter supposed to be over?” Dave and Karen both laughed automatically, like you’re supposed to do in social situations. “Not officially until tomorrow” said Karen while Dave briskly rubbed Bud’s mock-shivering arm. Straight men don’t normally touch each other like that. I wonder if they’re lovers. Get off it, Karen. The party members each drifted to their own cars. Marie drew her Taurus wagon keys from a small compartment on the inside of her bag while Jen fumbled in her own purse in the hopes of unlocking her mother’s old Cavalier. Dave depressed a key chain button and his Lexus released its latches. Karen’s Nissan was parked in the next row and she called her goodbyes to everyone as she opened the driver’s side door, glanced down into the backseat for hidden carjackers, and slid behind the wheel. The drive to her apartment was largely uneventful. The streets were almost devoid of cars-not completely, but enough to attract Karen’s notice. She turned the power knob on the radio. The clear and sweet voices of Abba’s members greeted her. She smiled, the cheer of the music flooding into her like a warm beverage. She hummed along …’take a chance on me…’ It had begun to rain; a March night reminder that winter wasn’t completely dead. The tempo of her windshield wipers almost matched that of the song. The dimness of the watery streetlights bathed her in a comfort that she savored. Being alone was not always so terrible… With a jerk her mind pulled itself off autopilot. The lights had suddenly grown much brighter. She glanced in her rearview mirror and was startled when she saw a pair of urgently flashing headlights reflected in its surface. No way was she going to pull over on a quiet dark street for some anonymous “friend” even if her car were about to explode. She kept driving, praying that the Exxon station that was somewhere along this road would come up soon. If she had to stop the car, that environment was a lot safer than the dark shoulder. The car behind her drew so near that the driver could not have avoided impact were Karen to make a sudden stop. She did not recognize the shadowy, gesturing figure behind the windshield but she did notice the silver circled ‘L’ on the grille. It was probably Dave. If it wasn’t…well, what if there really was something wrong with her car? Karen clicked on and off on the headlight bar to indicate her acknowledgement of the frenzied signals issued by the Lexus. She slowed the Nissan and activated her right turn signal, at the same time reaching for her cell phone with one hand and depressing the automatic lock button with the other. She stopped the car but kept the engine running. The car remained in drive mode and her foot pressed the brake. The Lexus followed her off of the road. It rolled to a stop and the headlights blackened as the driver shut off the engine. The door opened and she saw the shape of Dave Winter emerge. She sighed with relief and wondered what he wanted with her. She briefly scanned a very promising list but realized that she probably had a taillight out or something equally as mundane. She saw Dave change his direction and head for her own passenger door. She shifted into park, released the lock and looked at him questioningly when he opened the door and threw himself in the passenger seat. The rain was coming down insistently now and he was covered in wet. His dark curls clung to his head and drops of water anointed his nose and eyebrows. He grinned at her. “Sorry about your car, Miss Rawlings. I think I’m going to leave a pretty large pond in here.” Karen smiled and unfastened her seat belt. She twisted and stretched into the back seat to grab a hand towel she kept there for wet emergencies. She looked up at him through her mascaraed lashes as she offered the towel. “Call me Karen. No one calls me Miss Rawlings but my kids.” He raised his eyebrows and cocked his head in surprise. “So you’re a teacher?” Karen wondered what Dave thought she did for a paycheck-prowl the streets at night? “No, Dave, I’m a guidance counselor. I help kids make their way through youth. Now tell me why you pulled me over.” Dave took the still-outstretched towel and began to pat his head with it. “Well, Karen, I think I ought to tell you that I’m a bit worried. There’s some pretty obvious friction between you and the bridesmaid-what’s her name- Marie. I have no idea what you two disagree so much about and know it’s none of my business, but I find it hard to believe that Danielle would appoint enemies as her bridesmaids. The important part is that you and she are making the rest of the group somewhat uncomfortable and more importantly, you’re going to make the happy couple pretty miserable if you can’t resolve your difficulty before the party. At least temporarily.” Karen stared at Dave in disbelief. She wasn’t used to being addressed as a child. She rallied her own troops, taking a stand that required a shift into Counselor Mode. “I understand completely, Dave. It is true that Marie and I disagree about many things. I occupy a position in Dani’s life that Marie once held. She and Dani drifted apart because her path split from that of her friend when she chose servitude over independence. She hasn’t figured that out. I admit that I don’t handle the situation very well myself. Perhaps Dani and Marie will become closer after the wedding. I will put an effort into improving my relationship with Marie for the sake of my friend and her happiness. I only hope Marie will do the same. Perhaps you should give her a call.” Dave Winter regarded Karen with a bit of confusion. He’d heard from Joe that Karen was something of a desperate tramp and he associated submissiveness and stupidity with that type of person. He didn’t know what to make of Karen’s well-worded and direct answer. He also didn’t know that her respect for him was diminishing by the second. “Well, I guess that’s it. I’ll have a talk with Ms. Costas” he said shortly. “Sorry to have bothered you.” He looked down at the damp rectangle in his hands. “Thanks for the towel.” He handed it to her, released the passenger side latch and started off into the deluge, closing the door a little too hard as he did. Karen shifted the gear into drive and rolled back onto the empty road immediately after he closed the door. What a jerk. Thank God she hadn’t actively flirted with him. The beautiful peace of the drive had leaked out of the car when he had opened the passenger door to get in, but she hadn’t noticed it until he had left. She saw the Lexus’s headlights flash farewell in her rearview mirror as Dave turned left onto Chamber Street. She hoped he lived far enough away that she didn’t run into him at the grocery store or like place. Now she knew why Dani hadn’t introduced the two-theirs would never be a perfect match. She flicked Dave Winter from her mind much as you would a used tissue. Marie sat at the intersection, waiting for the light to turn green. Her fingers tapped impatiently on the steering wheel of her drenched wagon. She glanced at the dashboard clock and swore under her breath. She had promised Alan that she would be home half an hour ago, she still had to drive halfway across town and this damned stoplight had been red forever even though there were no cars in sight. Marie took a careful survey of the intersection and the streets leading from it. She twisted back in her seat harness and looked over her shoulder. No cars around. She depressed the accelerator and shot under the red light. She spent the next ten minutes worrying about police sirens and how Alan would react if she brought home a ticket for such a flagrant violation of traffic law, and then felt a slight thrill at the fact that she had gotten away with her crime. She ploughed through the downpour at forty miles per hour and arrived home 45 minutes after she had said she would. Her husband met her at the door. She could see a sink full of dirty dishes in the kitchen at the end of the front hall. He looked more than irritated and when she opened her mouth to apologize and explain why she was so late, he only glared at her and said “Please wash the dishes” in a quiet way that let her know his feelings more than any firestorm of words could have. He turned and stomped up the stairs, turning left toward the master bedroom when he reached the top. The children stood to the right of the top step. They didn’t take their accusing eyes off of Marie until he passed by them. Marie wondered how soon it would be until she was forgiven. She was certain that by morning he would appear to have forgotten the incident but it would remain stored in his mind for use the next time they argued about responsibility and consideration. Marie removed her windbreaker and turned to the open closet. She remembered that the coat was very wet and laid it on the plastic mat in front of the door instead of hanging it. She thought better of her action once more and picked up the just-discarded jacket, taking it with her to the kitchen where she blotted it with a dishtowel. She returned to the closet and hung it among the forest of small, bright jackets and heavier coverings. Marie’s next job was in the kitchen. She headed back to it and looked at the dishes that were strewn haphazardly over the counter. She couldn’t figure out how her husband and two children had managed to create such a mess and then remembered that both kids had invited dinner guests. She cringed when she thought of the probable reactions of the visitors’ parents when they saw the filthy kitchen and discovered that Marie was off gallivanting with her friends. She was sure that Alan had taken the opportunity to inform these people that Marie was a neglectful wife and mother. She was too proud and ashamed to tell them anything different. Sarah had just thrown her soaked sweater over the back of a chair when the phone rang. She considered letting her own answering machine pick it up. She didn’t particularly want to talk to anyone; she was far more inclined to take a hot bath. She sighed and reached for the phone only to withdraw her hand and walk in the direction of the bathroom. The hot bath was much more alluring than a phone conversation. She did not turn when the message in which she informed callers of her absence played and only checked her progress when a voice she had recently heard met her ear. “Hi, Sarah, it’s Dan. Do you want to go bowling at Lincoln Lanes tomorrow night? I haven’t been there in years-I wonder if it’s changed. Call me back and let me know what you think.” Sarah grinned and started walking to her soon-to-be-steaming destination. She’d call him back after a good, long soak. Jen didn’t have a full tub to go home to. Nor did she have a husband and children. What she did have was trig homework and a term paper that was due in less than a week. She drove through the relentless downpour and wished that the weekend hadn’t been so short. Still, only three more months and she was out of high school! She had mailed completed applications to several colleges but did not await responses with any great anticipation. She’d probably get into at least a few of those she had applied to-her S.A.T scores weren’t fabulous but they were well above average and she’d managed to pull mostly A’s and B’s throughout her high school career. Some of the other kids in her class were just about foaming at the mouths about college acceptance and had been for the past three and a half years. It was like they had spent their entire young lives doing stuff in the hopes of getting into the right school. Mom said that it didn’t really matter in the long run-besides, there was no way they could afford the prestigious colleges that people were so anxious to get into. She and her mother had never had an excess of funds. John Gillespie had left his family high and dry while he flew all over the country for his glamorous travel journal work, always telling them he didn’t make enough money to spend it on unnecessary things. All the fancy purchase he made were ‘investments’ and ‘contributed to career success.’ When he died in a plane crash eight years ago, leaving not only a wife and daughter but also at least two girlfriends, it was neither Jen nor her mom who were the recipients of all of his luxury possessions, which had mysteriously disappeared. They figured his shiny bright ‘friends’ had them, but were not interested in following up. All Jen remembered about her father was that he wore expensive clothes, he was extremely handsome in the Gillespie tradition, he was always leaving, and he had never been around for her birthday. Too bad he hadn’t been more like the rest of his gracious and loving family. Maybe they didn’t have real feelings for John’s daughter but at least they did what was right and paid some attention to her. Jen had never been bowling. She had never had a group of friends with which to go. Her best friend was her mother and though she did not receive undeserved criticism from her schoolmates, she didn’t receive invitations to social events either. Maybe she and Mom could go bowling sometime before the party. She would be awfully embarrassed if she were the only one there who didn’t know how to play the game. Jen pulled into the driveway of an elegant home in the desirable neighborhood of Hope Crest. Her father had been very concerned with appearances. An impressive house was a requirement for the image he wanted to present. The settlement from the airline had paid off the mortgage for this grand old elephant after he had died. It was way too big for two people and not only that, the money needed to pay taxes and keep the house in decent condition was an amount that was draining off the remaining settlement money at an alarming rate. Sandra Gillespie, usually sharp and efficient in matters of finance, had let this, the largest of fund-depleting expenses, go. Although she seldom spoke well of her husband, Jen theorized that her mother had really loved John in spite of his infidelities and kept the house as a reminder of him. He had certainly been an attractive man, and if he had girlfriends spread around the country, he was probably pretty charming, too. Well, as poor a husband and father as he might have been, he was generous enough to pay for a fancy house and his daughter’s college tuition with his life. Too bad the generosity wasn’t accompanied by forethought: settlements had a limit. Jen resolved to talk to her mother about the many costs of home ownership as soon as she walked into the foyer. She unlocked the pretentious black door and opened it. The warm air of the entrance hall greeted her like a loving relative. She paused for a moment to savor it, and then called out “Mom!!!” There was an audible disturbance in the upstairs hallway and Jen was aware of a tiny dog rocketing down the curving staircase, yipping feverishly as if Jen was the person for whom he had waited all his life. He threw himself against her calves, all loose black waves and wet pink tongue. She scooped him up with one hand and held him to her face. He cried and licked and nipped-this was too much joy to bear! Jen looked up to see a woman following the Shih Tzu's trail, but with less speed and more reserve. She looked questioningly at her daughter. Jen took in the emaciated form and graying hair of her mother. She saw the tired eyes and the weak smile. She almost gave up on the idea of suggesting that they sell the house, but then called forth the resolve to ask. “Mom, doesn’t the upkeep of this big old house cost way more than you make? Why don’t we put it on the market-I could go to a good college and you could find a job that you like, even if it does pay a little less. What do you say?” Sandra sighed and then smiled. “Oh, Jen, you know Poodle is used to this house. He’s only got a few more years left-why don’t we let him live them out in a place he loves?” Jen looked at Poodle lying in her arms and knew that this was just another excuse not to sell the money-sucking monstrosity she called home. Why did Mom hang on to this place? No matter how fabulous Dad was at whatever she loved him for, holding on to the house wasn’t going to make him come back. If he did return from the dead, all he had to do was to look Sandra up in the phone book if she moved, anyway. Not wishing to start a fight with her obviously worn out mother, Jen did not pursue the idea of unloading the house any more. Oh well. She knew that the only reason the kids at school left her alone was that they thought she was rich, living in the most exclusive neighborhood in Onterago. Might as well keep it that way for a few more months. Jen put the dog on the floor and headed for the kitchen. She knew there was a bag of Oreos in the cupboard above the sink and she had only eaten one row so far. She was incredibly hungry. The months came and went. Jen chose to attend a local women’s school, Sarah spent some time hiking, bowling and sailing with Dan and Karen taught summer courses at a community college down the street from her apartment building. Everyone in the wedding party went about their daily lives. The men and women did not communicate with each other except for Sarah and Dan. Karen did not hear a word from Dave and thought of him very little. She and Marie had tentatively agreed to respect each other’s differences. July came around with its explosions of fireworks and days spent lounging around swimming pools. Jen had to have her skirt altered once more-she had decided to lose some weight before school was to begin in the fall and unlike most people had stuck with her plan. She was no longer ashamed to lie beside the pool herself. Sometimes Dani would invite her to the one in her apartment complex. Jen was no longer sure her cousin wanted her to look bad for the wedding she respected Jen’s weight loss plan and never offered her junk food. The drinks she provided were all diet sodas and the like. Before the wedding party members knew it, August was upon them. The weather was heavier than that of the previous month, if not as hot, and all involved looked to the upcoming nuptials with both positive and negative thoughts. And then it was the Wednesday of the bowling bash. The attendants arrived at the bowling alley a half hour early to wrap ribbons around the lamps on the scoring tables and set up the restaurant area to accommodate a wedding party. Soon after, Mr. and Mrs. Gillespie arrived, and after that came the Amorys and several of Joe and Dani’s friends. Karen arrived late because a faculty meeting that ran overtime. She noticed that Dave Winter’s Lexus was parked a few spots away from all of the other cars and she pulled up beside it just for spite. As if any of these people would ding Dave’s precious car. What a jerk. She smiled in satisfaction as she glimpsed the catering van from La Cucina pulling into the street. At least the food was here. Karen jogged to the door of Lincoln Lanes. She had sprayed Lysol on her socks before leaving home and would do so again when she got back. She wasn’t going to buy a pair of bowling shoes to wear only once, but she would do her best to see that whatever lived in the rental shoes did not reach her feet. She opened the big red door and out poured the light and laughter of the party guests. They had rented the entire bowling alley and it was closed to leagues and other bowlers tonight. She saw the other bridesmaids removing dozens of large pans from two very tall carts and hurried towards them. “I’m so sorry. I was at a meeting I couldn’t get out of.” Sarah and Jen smiled at her to indicate their forgiveness and Marie even managed to curl her lips into something that resembled an affable expression. Karen began setting up extra tables and loading them with the heated platters that Sarah handed her. Joe and Dani chose that moment to walk in the front door and a loud cheer went up from the assembled group. Joe looked smug and Dani lowered her eyes and grinned bashfully. God, she must be so ready for this wedding to be over, thought Jen. I bet they’re going to sleep through their honeymoon. As if in agreement with her, Joe put an arm around his fiancée and gave her a quick, supportive squeeze. They both saw the food displayed at the same moment and rushed it as if they hadn’t eaten all day. Dani handed Joe a plate and then grabbed one for herself. He collected silverware for the pair at the same time. People sat at the many dining tables erected for this occasion, talking, laughing and eating forkfuls of delicious steaming comfort food. For a while the bowling alley was filled with the sounds of talk, laughter and clinking utensils. The rumble of bowling balls soon joined these happy noises as they made their way down lanes. The triumphant crash of falling pins soon followed. The attendants formed one team while guests formed several others. Karen marveled at the collective happiness. She ducked into the restroom to wash tomato sauce off of her hands and glanced in the mirror as she left. She thought about dying her hair back to its natural brown before school began. The scene that met her gaze back in the lane area was similar to that which she had left. A brief surveillance showed several groups of people laughing and throwing balls at groups of pins. A closer look was not quite so innocent. Although her years as a teacher and counselor were few, she had learned from her work experience and her psychology and education classes that observing people a little more closely than usual could head off disaster as well as keep one up-to-date with the mood of the moment. Although the general attitude was one of contentment, there were a few things that seemed a bit troublesome. For one thing, Dave and Marie were exchanging too many glances for people who hardly knew each other. Jen was nowhere to be seen. Karen walked down the two steps to the lane’s seating area. “Hello, everyone. Where’s Jen?” No one knew where Jen had gone. Karen thought that her mother might know but in her scan of the alley she could not locate Sandra, either. She thought that the two were perhaps talking to each other somewhere. Maybe Jen had gone into the ladies’ room after Karen had walked out. “Well, she said, brushing her red hair away from her face, “let’s play another round until she comes back.” Everyone agreed that another round was in order and decided that the group would take alphabetical turns bowling. Joe grinned at Dave and told him he could just wait his turn, and then he picked up a ball and hefted it cockily to his shoulder. He bowled a perfect strike. The women groaned while the men cheered. They would be very happy to have a pro on their team. Marie, being the second wedding attendant in the alphabet, picked up her ten-pound ball from the assembled row. She swung the ball as she ran a few light steps, then let go just as her left foot landed for the second time. The grace of her movements was astounding. Karen had never before likened bowling to ballet, but the smooth adjustments of Marie’s body as she released that ball were a beautiful thing to watch. Karen turned her head to look at Dave, who was sitting in the row behind the scoring table. What she saw amazed her. Dave was watching Marie with a tenderness of which Karen had not thought him capable. She thought about Marie’s stable marriage and her two children and then about her newly relaxed and friendly attitude. She waited until Marie had rolled her second turn (eight pins down) and then casually motioned to her. Marie raised her eyebrows in inquiry and then walked over to where Karen was seated. “Why don’t you and I go look for Jen? It isn’t like her to just leave like this.” Marie agreed to this plan and Karen told the group that she was so good she could skip her turn and still win for her team; she and Marie were going to take a walk. With that, the two women left. As they headed out the front door, Karen informed Marie that she wanted to discuss something else, also, and she only wanted to talk about it when they were far from prying ears. Marie eyed her curiously. When the women reached the side-by-side Nissan and Lexus, Karen turned to face her former adversary. She noticed that Marie was wearing frosted lipstick that glistened in the glow of the lamppost. She took in Marie’s new haircut and flattering outfit, too. Karen didn’t know how to ask this recent enemy about her romantic life without getting personal, so she decided to be direct. “Marie, are you having an affair with Dave Winter?” Marie looked at her in open-mouthed shock. She clamped her mouth shut in indignant fury and them relaxed. She began to laugh. “Is the difference that noticeable?” She sighed and shook her head as her laughter trailed off and she took a breath to speak. “No, Karen. I’m not having an affair with anyone. I told Alan to get out of the house last week. I have more or less left him, but not for another man. I left him for me. When I find the Marie that exists outside of Alan’s idea of a housewife, I might consider seeing someone else who respects me. Never again Alan. The two of us had a marriage, sure, but we weren’t together. I’ve recently realized that those two things are supposed be one, but just because you have one doesn’t mean you have both. And I refuse to have ’m’ without ‘t’ anymore. Alan left last Tuesday and I haven’t heard from him since then. I have heard from his lawyer though. Alan is a coward. He knows he can’t convince anyone that I’m a bad mother so we won’t have a nasty divorce or a battle over child support. He just wants to settle. ‘Irreconcilable differences.’ HA! Emily and Eric are glad he's gone. So am I. I resumed my career, the kids take the bus to school, we microwave a lot. I’m so happy, Karen.” Karen could see the tears shining in her eyes. I believed Alan when he told me how inferior I was. I thought I was a failure as a wife, when actually he and I were a failure as a couple. I was really unpleasant to you and everyone else. I’m so sorry. I know I can’t make up for how I’ve been treating you, but please accept the fact that I truly am sorry.” Karen was familiar with the cliché about one’s knees getting weak at times of great surprise and had always thought it to be silly, but her knees really did feel like they’d give way at any moment. She couldn’t breathe. She wanted to throw her arms around Marie and whack her at the same time. She hadn’t known how terrible Marie’s marriage was. She had thought that Marie was satisfied with her life and that the institutions of marriage and motherhood were what had turned her into a self-righteous witch. She was glad that Marie hadn’t fallen for a creep like Dave Winter but on the other hand, if he had fallen so hard for her (and it appeared that he had) maybe he wasn’t such an ass after all. She moaned a long “oooooh” and put her hands over her face. Marie looked at her in alarm. “Forgive me, Karen, but I didn’t expect you to disapprove.” Karen looked at Marie through spread fingers. She suddenly began to laugh shrilly and couldn’t stop. She gasped for air and between explosions of giggles managed to speak. “No, Marie, I don’t disapprove. If Alan is as horrible as you say, then I’m glad you got out of a bad marriage before you and your children were sucked dry of any positive thought. It’s just that I’ve already learned something I really didn’t expect to this evening and the surprises are mounting. I can only wonder: what’s next?” She gave one last giggle and then looked at Marie proudly and fondly. Unfortunately, her question was soon answered. The women heard low soft sobs emanating from somewhere nearby. They soon recognized Sandra and Jen’s voices; one uncertain and the other soothing. They walked back to the door of the bowling alley. Karen wondered how they could go back to the party and behave like everything was normal, but she knew that’s what they must do. And they did. They laughed and hurled balls down the lane-they told the others that Sandra had eaten too much rich food and had to go home to lie down. The party was, all in all, a success. Everyone walked out in a jovial mood at the end of the evening. Dave had to leave without cleaning up as his on-call beeper went off and he had to hurry to the hospital where he worked. The remaining attendants stuffed wrapping paper into big trashcans and loaded silverware and plates onto the carts the caterers would pick up within the hour. The group left when a careful survey of the alley revealed that nothing was out of place. It had been a very clean party-perhaps because of the wedding formality that had overhung the event no matter its casual nature. Karen bid Sarah, the last departing bridesmaid, goodbye as the door closed behind her and the ever-attentive Dan. The bowling alley was empty now. She relished the silence and peace that were not usual features of her life. She sat down and took off the offensive rental shoes. She was putting on her own moccasins when Jen sat beside her. She started. When had the girl come in? Why was she always so quiet? Jen’s gaze was serious as she contemplated the older woman. “Mom was overwhelmed by the happiness here tonight. She really misses my father, even after all these years.” Karen didn’t know what to say. She opened her mouth, hoping that words of comfort would magically flow out. Jen interrupted her before she could say something stupid. “Mom talked to me honestly for the first time. She finally agreed to put our house on the market. She and I are going to get an apartment close to my college’s campus. We should have enough money so that I can get a new car and she can get herself together for a while until she finds a job she likes. Maybe I’ll even transfer to a big-name school later on, when she gets tired of me.” Jen smiled. Karen looked at her in wonder. She seemed so much older than her eighteen years. Why had she never known before that Jen was more than a sulky, awkward teenager? Jen smiled at her speechless companion, patted her on the arm and rose. ‘I’ve got to go. Mom’s waiting in the car.” Karen nodded dumbly and asked Jen to tell her mother goodbye and thank you for coming. Jen walked to the big red doors, swung them open and disappeared into the dark parking lot. Karen stood and walked slowly to the ladies’ room. She opened the door, turned on the overhead light and looked at herself in the large mirror. She saw a woman in her early thirties with a shapely figure and attractive face. Her hair was disheveled, but as bright an auburn as ever. She smiled at a content reflection. Maybe she would change the color, after all, but there was no need to go back to brown. Story by Tracey Landmann of Wilmington, Delaware. © 2002 Tracey Landmann All rights reserved. Contact Tracey Landmann current issue -||- back issues -||- submissions -||- contact links -||- from the editors trace@wilmingtonblues.com